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Famine Affair

You destroy my head, you uncalibrate my skull
Go away, go away, you're a bad thing, useless thing

You steal my light, you suffocate my life
Go away, go away, you're a bad thing, miserable thing

The whole attempt was shoddy, just put trash in my body

You don't let me sleep
And when you do it's just teeth-falling-out nightmares
Go away, you're a bad thing, useless thing


I was on the moon driving with Kristin. I turned and saw a gigantic saturn and a sky filled with stars. She laughed at my amazement. A spider jumped on my leg and latched its teeth in. I brushed it off, but it jumped right back onto my thigh. I brushed it off and stepped on it, but it would not die. I was at a gas station. I asked the man I was with to kill it because it was writhing in pain. I looked back and it had turned into a spider with a lizard's tail. He was talking and would not help right away and it crawled under a covering with a strange owl looking bird that was its mother. It turned into an ugly baby bird and continued writhing in pain. I yelled at him to euth enize it, and he took a plastic bag and put it in it to smash. Instead of doing it himself, he tied the walmart bag onto the mother's foot and as she tried to fly away, the baby repeatedly hit the sidewalk. I was horrified.

High School

In my dream I was suspended from high school for some minor misbehavior. The high school made a new rule, though—every student suspended was to be put to death. There were a few other students who were to go with me, but they didn't seem as upset. I paced back and forth, and could feel the days getting closer. Finally I told my mother, and she was outraged and hired a lawyer. I don't know what happened.

I woke up and went back to sleep, and I had a similar dream. I was at a high school graduation and a 4 strong black women were giving a speech. They said that whoever survived would be as strong as a mountain, and the weak were a much needed sacrifice. About six of the students ran out into a field behind the bleachers and spread out. The women began shooting at them for a certain period of time. I watched one little girl grab at her chest, but I woke up.

Laura Marling

There's a life across the river, but I do not see why I should please those who will never be pleased.


Quote of the day from hippie professor Dean: "don't drink milk, try heroin".

SO, a team of scientists and demographers working for National Geographic set out across the earth to discover the blue zones: places where people are happiest, healthiest, and live ACTIVE lives past the age of 100!
Five blue zones have been discovered so far: Sardina, Italy; Okinawa, Japan; Loma Linda, California; Nicoya Peninsula, Costarica; and Icaria, Greece.

All five places share these lifestyle characteristics: plant-based diets, family, moderate physical activity, social interaction, and no smoking.
Other characteristics common include faith (in something), high soy consumption, polyphenol wine consumption, and my favorite, no "time urgency".

Basically I just want to move to Okinawa, chill, drink wine, and scuba dive every day.
The author's point is that we are products of our environment. Every day, hundreds of marketing messages pass over our psyches; many of them encouraging us to eat terribly shitty things and work ourselves to death to gain material possessions.

This is a diagram comparing 3:

Yesterday I read more about our food and came upon things I still didn't know. For instance, besides the fact that male calves are taken from their mothers immediately after birth and placed in crates where they aren't allowed to move or stand, they are also fed iron-free milk replacer, keeping them alive and packed with antibiotics. They become anemic, thus creating the tender pinkish white meat that veal is known for.

I found it a bit ironic that calves are given fake milk, because calves are, in fact, the only animals intended to drink cow milk. We are the only animals who drink milk past infancy, and we drink a different species' milk at that. Cow milk is designed to grow a hundred-pound newborn calf to a several hundred pound calf within 24 months. An average cow produces one gallon of milk a day when it has an infant offspring, yet our hormone injected, mass produced cows produce ten gallons a day. Ten gallons! I say mass produced because the females are artificially inseminated or put through embryo transfer to ensure birth; male babies to the crate, females to milk and baby land. There are too many humans, and there are too many cows. Mentioning the pesticides injected into the dairy and beef cows to ward off mosquitos, flies, etc would be off the point, but it's notable to mention that most meat and milk we buy at Walmart contains up to 20 times the amount of pesticides that vegetables and fruits have just on their peelings. More cows=more methane. More cows=larger farms, more methane and nitrous oxide.

So as far as cows go, we force them to unnaturally give us their breast milk, force them to have babies, then steal their children, giving them a miserable life inside a box so that we don't have to chew as hard. Hens also live most of their miserable lives inside boxes too small to spread their wings. Force molting is a routine practice on factory farms where the chickens are starved for fourteen days in order to induce an extra laying cycle. The cramped conditions, toxic air, lack of sunlight, forced starvation, and untreated wounds causes extremely high stress levels in the birds which usually leads to cannibalism and de-feathering of other birds in the cages. To prevent this unacceptable behavior, many farms chop off 1/4 of chicks' beaks before they are put into confinement. Hens often die of starvation, because pecking at their food becomes too painful with the cutting off of such sensitive nerves. All of this sounds like slavery to me.

Why is something as unnatural as drinking cows' milk promoted as healthy? Many people are unaware that the National Dairy Council is one of the primary sources of nutrition information for schools across the country. Surprise! We hear that we drink milk for calcium and to prevent osteoporosis. No one in school ever told us that vegetables are a much better source of calcium than dairy products. In fact, although the Chinese consume only half the amount of calcium from dairy that the average American does, osteoporosis is extremely rare in China. The area of the earth where calcium is most highly ingested (Eskimos, coming from mostly fish bones) is also the area with the highest percentage of osteoporosis. Areas of the world that do not consume any dairy (Buddhist churches and select African tribes) have the absolute lowest percentage of osteoporosis. When humans consume products rich in animal protein, the pH of their blood becomes somewhat acidic. In order to neutralize the acidity of the blood, calcium is pulled from the bones into the bloodstream and this process can lead to calcium deficiencies and osteoporosis.

Our two canine teeth don't make us omnivores. In fact, many herbivorous animals also have canine teeth such as certain types of antelope, deer, horses, and camels. Concerning our ability to digest meat, humans are very adaptable creatures that can withstand the consumption of large amounts of harmful substances. Therefore, our ability to digest meat does not justify our need for meat anymore than our ability to digest alcohol justifies a dietary need for alcohol.

If animals can feel pain and have souls (as the majority of pet owners would argue), what gave us the right to mistreat them? Perhaps a loving god gave us dominion, but does that mean slaughter? And what for exactly? Not for protein, not for calcium. Both exist in plants. One of my favorite quotes by Leo Tolstoy: "A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite."

In my opinion, then, the question "why do you eat meat?" is equal to and just as logical as the question, "why don't you eat meat?". With modern agriculture we have surpassed maybe not the need for hunting among select locations, but most definitely the need for mass slaughtering. No starving country needs us to ship them chicken and milk; they need to learn to cultivate their land, they need means to take care of themselves. There are larger concerns for the earth other than factory farms that I should worry more about (wars, hunger, global warming) but what harm does veganism do? What is a vegan doing wrong or "stupid" other than helping improve global warming, showing compassion for those in pain, and promoting personal health? On that note, if humans had compassion for animals, compassion for humans would be better understood, solving all problems mankind has EVER put upon themselves (racism, war, sexism, gay rights, abuse, hate crimes, the list goes on and on and on). Compassion is understanding, compassion is "a feeling of sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."

done ranting.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Page of quotes I collected from reading Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I loved it soooo much! I was surprised how the end of the book shifted from the main characters to their dying dog. It sounds silly, but it was really touching.

Our life is a sketch for nothing, an outline with no picture.
pg. 8

We all reject out of hand the idea that the love of our life may be something light or weightless.
pg 35

It is wrong, then, to chide the novel for being fascinated by mysterious coincidences, but it is right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension of beauty.
pg 52

"Dear Tereza, sweet Tereza, what am I losing you to?" he once said to her as they sat face to face in a wine cellar. Every night you dream of death as if you really wished to quit this world..."
pg 59

Anyone whose goal is "something higher" must expect some day to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it even when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.
pg 59

It was then she realized she had lost the last bit of strength she had: she was absolutely incapable of tolerating this absolutely insignificant incident of a woman calling him.
pg. 75

We might call vertigo the intoxication of the weak. He is drunk with weakness, wishes to grow even weaker, wishes to fall down in the middle of the main square in front of everybody, wishes to be down, lower than down. pg. 76

"Because love means renouncing strength,"
pg. 112

(In her dream) He said it kindly, as if apologizing to Tereza for not being able to shoot her if it was not her choice. His kindness tore at her heartstrings, and she turned her face to the bark of the tree and burst into tears. Her whole body racked with sobs, she embraced the tree as if it were not a tree, as if it were her long-lost father, a great-grandfather, a great-great-grandfather, a hoary old man come to her from the depths of time to offer her his face in the form of rough tree bark.
pg. 150

Plato's Symposium: People were hermaphrodites until God split them in two, and now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another.
pg. 239

It follows, then, that the aesthetic ideal of the categorical agreement with being is a world in which shit is denied and everyone acts as though it did not exist. This aesthetic ideal is called kitsch.
Tereza's dream reveals the true function of kitsch: kitsch is a folding screen set up to curtain off death.

Of course, Genesis was written by a man, not a horse. There is no certainty that God actually did grant man dominion over other creatures. What seems more likely, in fact, is that man invented the right to sanctify the dominion that he had usurped for himself over the cow and the horse. Yes, the right to kill a deer or a cow is the only thing all of mankind can agree upon, even during the bloodiest of wars.
But let a third party enter the game—a visitor from another planet, for example, someone to whom God says, "Thou shalt have dominion over creatures of all other stars"—and all at once taking Genesis for granted becomes problematical. Perhaps a man hitched to the cart of a Martian or roasted on the spit by inhabitants of the Milky Way will recall the veal cutlet and apologize to the cow.
pg. 286

True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore only when its recipient has no power; it is the attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals.
pg 289

Seeing a horse and a coachman beating it with a whip, Nietzsche went up to the horse and, before the coachman's very eyes, put his arms around the horse's neck and burst into tears.
pg 290

Jun. 27th, 2009

By Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Are you not kind? Ah, yes, so very kind --
So thoughtful of my comfort, and so true.
Yes, yes, dear heart; but I, not being blind,
Know that I am not loved, as I love you.

One tenderer word, a little longer kiss,
Will fill my soul with music and with song;
And if you seem abstracted, or I miss
The heart-tone from your voice, my world goes wrong.

And oftentimes you think me childish - weak --
When at some thoughtless word the tears will start;
You cannot understand how aught you speak
Has power to stir the depths of my poor heart.

I cannot help it, dear - I wish I could,
Or feign indifference where I now adore;
For if I seemed to love you less you would,
Manlike, I have no doubt, love me the more.


oh dear

 It's bad enough we get along so well
say goodnight and go

 It's embarrassing when you are in a quiet place listening to loud music on your headphones and you realize later that you have a missed call.  That means that your phone was going off while you sat there looking like an idiot.

That didn't happen today; it just seems like that would be silly.  For my presentation today, I sat in front of the class to tell my panda story.  Daniel came up with the idea.  I put up my illustration then opened up my panda lunch box and announced that it was story time to the children.  I had put my paper folded between two pieces of bread in my sandwich case, so I took it out and told them to digest the story.  It was retarded.  I love my major sometimes.  

I skipped my classes...again.


Ode to Sadness
 Sadness, scarab
with seven crippled feet,
spiderweb egg,
scramble-brained rat,
bitch's skeleton:
No entry here.
Don't come in.
Go away.
Go back
south with your umbrella,
go back
north with your serpent's teeth
No sadness may
cross this threshold.
Through these windows
comes the breath of the world,
fresh red roses,
flags embroidered with
the victories of the people.
No entry.
your bat's wings,
I will trample the feathers
that fall from your mantle,
I will sweep the bits and pieces
of your carcass to
the four corners of the wind,
I will wring your neck,
I will stitch your eyelids shut,
I will sew your shroud,
sadness, and bury your rodent bones
beneath the springtime of an apple tree. 

Pablo Neruda